Toasting Times by George Weeks

Like all civil servants, my working life relies on snacks. As I entered the office kitchenette holding a lunchtime cheese-and-tomato sandwich, a stainless steel sandwich toaster caught my eye. “Wouldn’t this sandwich be nicer with melted cheese?” I thought to myself.

Squeezing the Teflon-coated hotplates together, the scent of melted cheddar cheese (slightly burnt at the corners) summoned decades-distant memories back into my conscience. Instantly, I was transported back to 2004 and the heady responsibilities of making cheese toasties at the Van Mildert shop.

Toasties were vital to the esprit de corps of Van Mildert College. Instant gratification between two slices of white bread; a short stagger from the bar and the perfect accompaniment to seven pints of £1.40 Black Sheep. Accordingly, I approached my toastie-making shifts with the gravity of a watchmaker or surgeon. Tying my Axl Rose mane into a topknot, I squeezed through the shop door to prepare the ingredients for the evening.

Sausage. Salami. Peppers. Tomatoes. Ham. We sliced them all, but these were small fry compared to the main event; a cubic foot of grated cheddar, ready for the grill. We’d use it all that evening. Pivoting to the waist-high counter on the bar-facing wall, I pre-heated the grill; a substantial electric-powered beast made from stainless steel, which radiated heat like a brazier in the kiln-like shop.

To make a good toastie is straightforward. To make a great one, when three others are on the grill, is much harder. As with much of life, the toastie maker’s main skill is timekeeping, closely following by strength and coordination. I never did manage to master the technique of eight-at-a-time toasties; four on the grill at once was my comfortable best, and I had many happy customers. Generosity with the cheese was always appreciated.

It is a delight to do a job that is not only remunerative, but also provides a wholly positive public service. In this regard, the toastie shift at Van Mildert remains one of life’s unequivocal high points.

Long live the cheese toastie!